I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
