I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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