sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
