I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
