While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
