You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
