need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
