If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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