She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
