Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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