Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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