some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
