I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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