and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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