if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
