At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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