I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
