I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
