Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
