I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
