Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
NoShamevember. You game?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize