I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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