i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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