We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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