but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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