My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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