Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
