OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
