I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
