I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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