well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
