I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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