my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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