I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
