Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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