y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
