9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
