my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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