Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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