So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
