Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
