I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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