I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
