Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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