i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me i tasted like america
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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