You can't motorboat a personality
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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