I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
