Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
