she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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