So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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