i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize