If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
