I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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