did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
