where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
