woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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