I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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