My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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