So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he shaved USA in his pubs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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