So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
