??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
