Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Found the puke drawer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
