I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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