i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
