How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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