I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
