How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
