Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize
