He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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