i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
