Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
