all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize